What I wrote to Jenni Carlson, which she will probably ignore:
Dear Jenni,
Many in the media, including you from what I observed in your recent power lunch chat, have glossed over the heinous "he hits women" chant that thousands of Auburn fans roared during the Sugar Bowl. Instead, you have chosen to focus on Mixon's (and Mayfield's) response to that chant. It is as if such chants, born ostensibly out of disgust at Mixon's violent act, are somehow warranted. Or at least excusable.
But let there be no confusion on this matter.
Auburn fans were not yelling that chant out of disgust at the punch Mixon delivered. This was not done to render justice. The truth is far more ugly, far more base. The truth is that Auburn fans were merely trying to get under Mixon's skin . . . so they could win a football game. A mob using a tragic, life-altering trauma to their own ends, seeking to publicly shame, brand, and permanently define a kid according to his worst act. To mess with his head.
For a W.
Mind you the chant wasn't even "he hit a woman," which would have still been horrifically gratuitous, but at least have been true.
No, it was "he hits women." A lie. And a dangerous lie, at that. Why so dangerous? Because the psychology of shame actually provokes the very heinous acts that it magnifies.
Want to turn a young girl who made a sexual mistake into a harlot? That's easy. Brand her. Put a Scarlet Letter on her blouse.
Want to encourage a man with obvious anger and pride issues to develop a habit of hitting women when he loses his cool? Just as easy. Tell him that the bad thing he did is who he is. Forever. The chant itself suggests the behaviour to the vulnerable psyche of a young man trying move forward with his life.
People's minds are fragile things. We are all suggestible.
"You hit women. You hit women. You hit women."
Say that into the mirror enough times, or have it bludgeoned into your soul by tens of thousands of accusing voices screaming a mantra, and guess what? You'll probably start hitting women.
Unless, of course, you have the presence of mind and courage to fight against the lie. To stand up to the Shame Monster and tell it where it can get off.
What you missed in your simplistic interpretation of Mixon's response was a young man fighting against dangerous, destructive voices, fighting for his psyche, and his future. That was not a boy gloating over what he did. No, that was a wounded man staring down the Shame Monster and declaring to everyone that, "no matter how loud you yell it, that is not who I am!"
And so the very reaction you deride may, ironically, be worthy of praise.
I think so.
That said, I'll concede that Mixon can (and must) learn to carry on that psychological battle more subtly, more inwardly in the future. If he's doing his counseling, I'm sure he'll learn to do that. But what you saw there was a growing man battling against a future of violence. Not a brash fool gloating in his folly.
At least that is how I choose to see it.
In any event, there is no excusing the reckless and shameful chant of the Auburn fans. They trampled everyone's trauma, including Mia Molitor's, just to try to get an edge for their football team.
If anything in the Sugar Bowl should provoke our moral disgust, it is that.
I hope you will consider addressing this in your future treatment of the subject.
Sincerely,
Mike
Dear Jenni,
Many in the media, including you from what I observed in your recent power lunch chat, have glossed over the heinous "he hits women" chant that thousands of Auburn fans roared during the Sugar Bowl. Instead, you have chosen to focus on Mixon's (and Mayfield's) response to that chant. It is as if such chants, born ostensibly out of disgust at Mixon's violent act, are somehow warranted. Or at least excusable.
But let there be no confusion on this matter.
Auburn fans were not yelling that chant out of disgust at the punch Mixon delivered. This was not done to render justice. The truth is far more ugly, far more base. The truth is that Auburn fans were merely trying to get under Mixon's skin . . . so they could win a football game. A mob using a tragic, life-altering trauma to their own ends, seeking to publicly shame, brand, and permanently define a kid according to his worst act. To mess with his head.
For a W.
Mind you the chant wasn't even "he hit a woman," which would have still been horrifically gratuitous, but at least have been true.
No, it was "he hits women." A lie. And a dangerous lie, at that. Why so dangerous? Because the psychology of shame actually provokes the very heinous acts that it magnifies.
Want to turn a young girl who made a sexual mistake into a harlot? That's easy. Brand her. Put a Scarlet Letter on her blouse.
Want to encourage a man with obvious anger and pride issues to develop a habit of hitting women when he loses his cool? Just as easy. Tell him that the bad thing he did is who he is. Forever. The chant itself suggests the behaviour to the vulnerable psyche of a young man trying move forward with his life.
People's minds are fragile things. We are all suggestible.
"You hit women. You hit women. You hit women."
Say that into the mirror enough times, or have it bludgeoned into your soul by tens of thousands of accusing voices screaming a mantra, and guess what? You'll probably start hitting women.
Unless, of course, you have the presence of mind and courage to fight against the lie. To stand up to the Shame Monster and tell it where it can get off.
What you missed in your simplistic interpretation of Mixon's response was a young man fighting against dangerous, destructive voices, fighting for his psyche, and his future. That was not a boy gloating over what he did. No, that was a wounded man staring down the Shame Monster and declaring to everyone that, "no matter how loud you yell it, that is not who I am!"
And so the very reaction you deride may, ironically, be worthy of praise.
I think so.
That said, I'll concede that Mixon can (and must) learn to carry on that psychological battle more subtly, more inwardly in the future. If he's doing his counseling, I'm sure he'll learn to do that. But what you saw there was a growing man battling against a future of violence. Not a brash fool gloating in his folly.
At least that is how I choose to see it.
In any event, there is no excusing the reckless and shameful chant of the Auburn fans. They trampled everyone's trauma, including Mia Molitor's, just to try to get an edge for their football team.
If anything in the Sugar Bowl should provoke our moral disgust, it is that.
I hope you will consider addressing this in your future treatment of the subject.
Sincerely,
Mike
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