You older cats may remember the old Bob Hope All-American Team (College Football). Bob would introduce the player and then add a "fun fact" ("Bo likes hiking and chasing down bikinis", whatever). To refresh your memory:
I though we could resurrect those fun times and employ some of the Alabama football players (disclaimer: parody, no names used, comments are randomly assigned)
[many of these are corny "dad jokes", a la Hope, others are a little more risque... Enjoy!]
# Position Accomplishment
@Eddie_Rado may pin if worthy
I though we could resurrect those fun times and employ some of the Alabama football players (disclaimer: parody, no names used, comments are randomly assigned)
[many of these are corny "dad jokes", a la Hope, others are a little more risque... Enjoy!]
# Position Accomplishment
- 1 LB 6'4" 236 lbs So ugly, his proctologist stuck a finger in his mouth
- 2 QB 6'2" 218 lbs Found out his inflatable doll was a lesbian
- 4 WR 6'1" 192 lbs Sings the National Anthem at cockfights
- 5 DB 6'0" 195 lbs So ugly, was voted "most likely to masturbate" in H.S.
- 6 WR 6'1" 173 lbs Pick-up line: "does this rag smell of chloroform to you?"
- 7 DB 6'2" 199 lbs Bought dehydrated water and didn't know what to add
- 8 RB 5'10" 216 lbs Is bilingual Illiterate - can't read in two different languages
- 9 LB 6'5" 245 lbs Thought to be homesick, but it was just chlamydia
- 11 WR 6'0" 183 lbs Tried to make French Toast, got his tongue caught in toaster
- 13 QB 6'1" 218 lbs Girlfriend has a "strip of hair"… called a mustache
- 14 WR 6'6" 216 lbs Majoring in Calcium Anthropology - study of Milkmen
- 15 DB 6'1" 198 lbs Business major aspires to be CEO of a pumpkin patch
- 16 LB 6'5" 239 lbs Not bright - served time for counterfeiting pennies
- 17 WR 5'10" 177 lbs Has difficulty buying clothes, he wears an extra medium
- 18 WR 5'11" 200 lbs Considered a peripheral visionary
- 19 WR 5'8" 174 lbs Having trouble purchasing a decaffeinated coffee table
- 20 LB 6'5" 246 lbs Studying medicine, got a patient pregnant, he's a veterinarian
- 21 DB 6'0" 197 lbs Doesn't snort cocaine, but he admits that he "likes the smell"
- 22 RB 6'2" 230 lbs Can't be a dropout… was caesarean
- 23 LB 6'4" 251 lbs Girlfriends dig astrology. Favorite sign? "For Rent"
- 24 LB 6'5" 256 lbs When a dog is in heat, means they want sex… that's his defense
- 30 LB 6'2" 239 lbs Dr asked for urine, stool & semen sample - he left his boxers
- 31 DB 6'1" 196 lbs Procrastinator - got a birth mark when he was eight
- 32 LB 6'3" 233 lbs Feels the best "lube" is not tears, but blood
- 33 LB 6'3" 266 lbs Good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet - doesn't know Y
- 34 RB 5'11" 215 lbs Tried group sex, but didn't know who to thank
- 44 TE 6'5" 263 lbs Not a heart-breaker, we only have one… but 206 bones
- 49 DL 6'5" 286 lbs Tried to hang himself with a bungee cord
- 50 OL 6'4" 296 lbs Bought batteries but they weren't included, had to buy again
- 51 LB 6'0" 220 lbs Girlfriend has one leg… named Eileen
- 55 OL 6'3" 342 lbs Typed new password "penis" - error… "not long enough"
- 57 LB 6'3" 216 lbs One of his testicles is bigger than the other two
- 61 OL 6'1" 258 lbs Girlfriend used to smoke after sex, so they introduced lube
- 62 OL 6'5" 267 lbs Took a cab to a drive-in; movie cost him $195.
- 65 OL 6'4" 344 lbs Believes Darwin was adopted
- 66 OL 6'4" 325 lbs Made instant coffee in a microwave and went back in time
- 67 OL 6'1" 290 lbs Mama wears braces on her false teeth
- 68 DL 6'3" 296 lbs Mama wears pierced hearing aids and unscented perfume
- 70 OL 6'6" 304 lbs Girlfriend seen at the Macy's Parade… wearing ropes
- 71 OL 6'4" 309 lbs Unlucky: Pops had a heart attack during a game of charades
- 72 OL 6'4" 316 lbs Doing a "pilot" in Hollywood… not sure what airline
- 74 OL 6'5" 309 lbs Loves "The Stones", especially Barney and Wilma
- 75 OL 6'7" 309 lbs He and his girlfriend can't have children… the way they do it
- 76 OL 6'7" 313 lbs Recently took a lie detector test… no he didn't
- 77 OL 6'7" 325 lbs Family like the Brady Bunch - Dad died of AIDS
- 79 OL 6'3" 310 lbs Guitar teacher was arrested for fingering "A Minor"
- 80 TE 6'6" 224 lbs Girlfriend wears "GUESS" sweatshirt… "thyroid problems?"
- 81 WR 6'4" 204 lbs If he could have a superpower, prefers "Cold War Russia"
- 82 TE 6'4" 241 lbs Requested a toy train schedule and was disappointed
- 83 WR 6'0" 187 lbs Regime includes "voodoo acupuncture", no need to leave apt
- 85 WR 6'5" 197 lbs GF cut off sex to 1/mo. Not bad, 3 others cut off completely
- 86 WR 6'1" 194 lbs Sick guy: Throws his dog a boomerang
- 90 DL 6'4" 299 lbs Has world's largest seashell collection and donates it all over
- 98 DL 6'4" 229 lbs Pre-Med: hopes to perform "autopsies for the living"
- 99 DL 6'7" 316 lbs Pre-Law: small claims court jester
@Eddie_Rado may pin if worthy
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