Hello Sooner fans…
It was a tough loss…glad to read the mea culpas from the coaches and players…lots to go around, but there is still a lot to play for and hopefully we learn from this one. I have several unconventional thoughts on the game that hopefully may curb the sting a bit:
It was a tough loss…glad to read the mea culpas from the coaches and players…lots to go around, but there is still a lot to play for and hopefully we learn from this one. I have several unconventional thoughts on the game that hopefully may curb the sting a bit:
- To a small but easily triggered subset of readers A TRIGGER WARNING: If sentences and paragraphs scare or annoy you or if you prefer your posts in Wheel of Fortune-like phrases STOP HERE. If you think satire…i.e. making light of the human condition, events, and people which includes laughing at ourselves, including other Sooners, is mean and hateful…take a breath, find a safe space, hug your favorite stuffy and STOP HERE. All other brave souls read on:
- To those that claimed there is no such thing as a “Texas hangover”…See Central Florida and Kansas performances.
- To KU students…if you leave because of a weather delay so you can get sloshed in comfort, you are not allowed to return and storm the field and pull down the goal posts…have some pride.
- To the KU student that was shirtless and plucked KU from his chest hairs…I applaud your effort, but a few suggestions…1. Consider a few visits to the tanning booth before going on national television; 2. Maybe lift a few weights targeting the chest a month or two before the game; and 3. Lather down your chest and back with Propecia every day for six months ahead of the game and then mow that KU onto both sides…now we are talking.
- To the KU student with the plunger through the head…granted you got some TV time, but not all TV time is good time, son. I wouldn’t put this on your resume.
- To Coach Lance Leipold…Congratulations, you had two weeks to prepare and you pulled it off (with the help of some timely foul penalties). I know you have stated that you admire Brent Venables’ leadership and the messaging behind calling our Sooner warriors “Team 129”. However, referring your team this week as: “Win-This-One-So-A&M-Calls-Me” may have been a bit too brash.
- To KU donors…give some money and build a stadium Tulsa Union High School would be proud of…just open those wallets and dream. No seriously, I understand changes are being made…Lord knows you are going to need those extra seats for those traveling Houston and BYU contingents next year. And one more tip, if you are going to be on a national television consider power washing the exterior of the stadium. I have seen cement meth labs that looked cleaner.
- To Matt Leinhart- don’t ever talk to Boomer our mascot that way again…he can’t speak and has a horse head, but he is not a horse’s a_ _, like you.
- To the Fox broadcasting crew who felt the need bring up the 1988 KU basketball championship…KU was the original USC and Danny Manning was the original Caleb Williams. That bastion of ethics Larry Brown gave Danny’s dad (a truck driver) a cushy job on his KU staff while Danny was playing high school ball in North Carolina (because everyone knows that there are no colleges that play basketball in North Carolina)…that team was Danny and Daddy’s Money and not Danny and The Miracles…even that bastion of sports the New York Times knew it…you embarrassed yourself bringing up that championship. https://www.nytimes.com/1983/09/30/sports/wanted-coach-and-son.html
- To myself…after the loss, I woke up admittedly a bit depressed, but found myself asking: “WTH is a ‘Jayhawk’”? From history, I know about “Jayhawkers”, but how do you turn a name with origins from the Civil War into a blue bodied, red headed creature that polluted our screens yesterday? Inquiring (or very bored) minds want to know, so I turned to the KU Athletic Department for answers. Here is their explanation word-for-word: The name [Jayhawk] combines two birds–the blue jay, a noisy, quarrelsome thing known to rob other nests, and the sparrow hawk, a quiet, stealthy hunter. The message here: Don’t turn your back on this bird.
- To the KU Athletic Department…Is the message “Don’t turn your back on this bird” really necessary? Who would turn their back on a creature with a Dodo body and a Toucan beak that looks like the result of a steroid lab experiment gone wrong…your mascot makes Barney look normal…and just to set the record straight…no such bird has ever existed even in Lawrence, Kansas…so stop referring it to it as a “bird”, you are making turkey vultures feel self-conscience. Describing it as “stealthy” is a reach since your mascot wears clown shoes (hard to sneak up on anyone with those) and, I hate to break it to you, it also doesn’t fly (hence the clown shoes), but I bet those stubby wings are tasty with some buffalo sauce and ranch dressing. As for “…known to rob other nests”…that I believe especially since your basketball program has a history of questionable recruiting ethics and after a few of those calls yesterday. In conclusion, you are telling everyone that a “Jayhawk” embodies a person that doesn’t get along with other people, so it breaks and enters their homes and then throws their young from a high floor and invokes squatter rights or stalks them like Jeffrey Dahmer and eats them like Hannibal Lecter, depending on the split personality evidenced at the moment…calling Dr. Sigmund Freud, please.
- To the Sooner contingent that went to Lawrence…I bow to you especially when you came back and showed what real fans do after a weather delay.
